Commitment-A-Phobia

When you're twenty seven years old, you think you know it all. And rightfully so, you've survived more than a quarter of a century, and you've been around the block during your time. So when you don't know why you can't commit to somebody, you naturally feel a little stumped.

I took the liberty to interview a twenty seven year old teacher, we'll call her "Victoria". Victoria has had one steady relationship with her high-school sweetheart, which lasted six years and ended in a broken engagement. She's hit the bar scene for approximately six years, and dated over twenty five men. Sounds pretty normal for a twenty seven year old.

Yet when confronted with, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" she replies, "Not only because I haven't met the right one, but because when I do meet the right one or I feel that it is the right one, I'm too scared to commit to just one guy."

The men that she's admitted her commitment fear to that want a commitment attempt to help her with the problem. She says they often buy her gifts. If you ask me, that hardly solves the problem.

Victoria notes when I asked her what a guy could do to get her over her fear is to simply not be so serious to begin with. She often feels that men come on too strong and want too much, before she gets a chance to like them. When she does picture herself in a committed relationship, she instantly feels that there could be someone better out there. This presents one factor of her phobia.

The second component I discovered in her phobia, is that she believes her phobia stems from the fact that her father abandoned her during childhood. She also once tried to put her heart into another relationship after her engagement and got hurt badly. She feared after that, that any man she dated would sooner-or-later leave her.

So what does a commitment-phobic person do to help him or herself get over the problem? And what can a partner do for his commitment-phobic partner? First, Victoria has initialized her healing by admitting the problem. She needs to now accept the problem and try to bring her new found insights into the next relationship. She shouldn't be dismayed if a guy gets too serious right off the bat. There are different people and that guy may not be the right one for her. I am sure Victoria has many lovable qualities in her that simply need to be exposed gradually. She has every right not to get attached as quickly as a guy might. If the guy wants too much, Victoria will need to guiltlessly refrain from the relationship.

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