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Communication Is Key

© Kristen Pasculli

Want the perfect relationship? Well, you're not going to get it without communicating effectively. I'd like to explore a common blunder in relationships and give some personal insight into it.

A common mistake in most relationships is the art of assumption. Oh yes, it really is an art because it requires thinking about how you act and trying to break bad communication habits as well. When you assume your partner feels a certain way about something, you do two things.

First, you can put a lot of tension on them. Your partner may feel that you are not understanding and that the relationship is failing. That may not be so! It may just be a communication issue. Instead, he or she may feel upset and stressed out that yet another relationship isn't working. Not good.

The second problem with assumption is that you may hurt the other person's feelings. He or she may think there is something wrong with him or her that they cannot function in a relationship, or that they exude a certain feeling. They may not exude that emotion or intention but when you assume they do, they may feel that they are projecting an image they don't want to project. That can lead to some deep, personal issues.

The easy way to avoid assumption problems? Use "I feel" statements. It's okay to tell the other person what you think they think about an issue. But don't assume! Assumption statements sound more like accusations to the person on the receiving end. For instance, "I don't understand why you don't want to do that" can easily be replaced with "I feel that you don't want to do that. Do you feel like you don't want to?" is more practical.

Some relationships are not meant to be. If you feel that you are not growing and communication, you may consider ending that relationship. Before you do, assess the value of the relationship. If you want to stay in it, make sure the feelings are mutual and don't give up! With a little awareness and patience, you can avoid more issues in your relationship and make time for the good things. Enjoy!