Toxic Friends
I usually get my story ideas when I look at my own life. Or I ask myself a question and think - yes, that's what I am going to write about on suite101.com this month.
Keeping with that, I have a very heavy heart lately over a friend who is constantly whining, complaining and bringing me down. It seems as if all of my efforts to help this person look on the bright side are weighed down with negative rebuttals.
And my thought is - life is hard enough, naturally depressing. So we all need people who will lift us up and be positive.
But when you're surrounding yourself with the negative, that can drag you down. And it can make you sick - physically and mentally.
So here we go - let's explore toxic friendships. First, ask yourself, what do you consider, toxic?
Friends all go through down times. In my case, I am dealing with someone who is self-defeating. So everything I say is rebutted and written off as useless. The result? I wind up feeling useless, because I can't help her unless I whine along. That's not me. I always try to either listen or offer advice. Neither work with this friend. She wants me to agree that -- yes, the world is out to get hehappiness is not under her control.
Second, you have to communicate with your friend. In my case, I have and it hasn't gotten me that far. But if the friend really cares about your relationship, he or she will be happy that you are honest about your feelings.
In a non-accusatory way, ask your friend if things are okay. If things are life-changing and if she's open to it, ask if she needs to seek counseling. In so many cases, our friends are going through things that we cannot bear. So it's important to be there for them but be honest about what you can and can't do.
But when you have a friend that thrives on drama and toil, that's another story.
Again, let me relay a personal story. I have struggled with this because her ideals and thoughts are different from mine. I believe we should do our best to get through our problems, mainly by trying. She believes her problems are not her fault and will only blame others. Including me.
There are no rights and wrongs when deciding if someone is toxic and needs to be phased out of your life. And if they are and you don't want to continue the relationship - well, that's an entirely different story. There are even "toxics" that you can recognize and keep in your life. It's all up to you. There is only a case-by-case analysis that you can conduct. Let's go to some experts to see what they think.
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