Waste Products
Paul was going to have to smuggle a toilet in from Mexico. It had been nearly impossible to get a high-flow toilet in the United States since 1999. There were a few available on the black market as a result of careful salvaging from the demolition of older buildings, but now, if you needed a high-flow toilet, smuggling from Canada or Mexico was the best alternative. It wasn't illegal to bring in a foreign toilet for your own use, but no one in the U.S. could sell you one.
There was no question that Paul and Rachel needed a high- flow toilet. The one the kids used was beyond repair and the new low-flow models, mandated by federal law to use no more than 1.6 gallons per flush, wouldn't be sufficient when the camp kids were in the house.
Paul and Rachel ran a day camp for three two-week periods every summer. They had as many as fifteen kids engaged in nature walks and biology lessons, plus splashing around in their wading pool and using their bathroom. These kids used lots of toilet paper. One of their regulars, a rambunctious nine-year-old named Elise, actually brought her own toilet paper with her. Her mother insisted Elise was allergic to the chemicals in most brands.
Paul and Rachel's regular plumber did not want to discuss the details of obtaining a high-flow toilet. It was illegal for the plumber to buy one or sell one and, as far as contractors were concerned, there weren't any exceptions without government permission.
Paul could fill out a long series of forms which might or might not result in official authorization for a larger- tank toilet, but the process was both lengthy and risky. If he was turned down, the subsequent installation of any illegal toilet might come to the attention of the toilet police, perhaps rising to very high levels in Washington.
Paul pleaded with the plumber. Paul told him that his plumbing contractor in New York City had cooperated when he'd had a bidet installed in his apartment there. Bidets had been illegal in Manhattan for decades. But Paul and his first wife, Seana, lived in Manhattan and Seana wanted a bidet. The plumber told him, "Sure, we just have to get the inspection done before the bidet is put in." You can buy bidets in Manhattan -- you just can't install one.
When the work was in progress, Paul stood by as the waste line for the bidet was stuffed with newspaper -- a farcical camouflage of its intended use. The inspectors arrived, looked it all over, presumably took whatever bribe they were entitled to for overlooking the illegal connection, and signed the necessary papers.
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