The Bore is Coming

I think it’s fair to say that, over the years, Irish people generally have favoured the whole European Union project. Mind you, that’s hardly surprising, given that the EU has been of enormous economic benefit to this country. Just ask the Celtic Tiger – if you can find him. (And if you do find him, please send him home. He’s only been gone a few months, but it’s definitely a case of, “Missing you already”.)

So, although the advent of a common European currency has been greeted with a few grumbles, most people here view the arrival of the euro favourably. And I must say, I’ve viewed it favourably ever since a recent stop-over in Frankfurt airport while waiting for a connecting flight. The way I see it, if it is necessary to pay the equivalent of Argentina’s national debt for a cup of coffee and an apple strudel, it will be of some consolation in future not to have to pay currency conversion charges as well.

At the same time, though, I believe the Brussels bureaucrats missed a great opportunity when they introduced the new currency. Let’s face it, they would have been hard pushed to come up with a more bland and boring name than “euro”. Why didn’t they give the currency a really imaginative name? As it is, they may as well have gone the whole hog and simply called the new money the “Bore”:

“How much are those apples?”

“One bore each.”

“One bore EACH? My God, that’s extortion!”

Except, of course, in Germany, where it would be:

“How much are those apples?”

“Ten bores each.”

“Ten bores EACH? Mein Gott, that’s so cheap!”

Earlier this year, the Euro Changeover Board of Ireland sent a handbook to every household in the country in order to help the actual changeover go as smoothly as possible. The handbook is full of good advice, and of particular interest are the pages that explain how to convert from one currency to the other. So, for anyone who is planning to be in Ireland during the changeover period, (scheduled to run from January 1st, 2002 until February 9th, 2002), this is how it’s done:

To convert from euros to Irish pounds, “Multiply the euro amount by 0.787564. Round the resulting Irish pound amount to two decimal places, that is to pence. Round down where the third figure after the decimal point is 4 or lower; round up where it is 5 or higher.” And, of course, to convert from pounds to euros, simply reverse the process. Is that simple or what?

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