Be Prepared! (But please leave out the magic fruit)

As well as food and first aid, the list also covers ‘Tools and Supplies’, ‘Sanitation’, ‘Clothing and Bedding’ and ‘Special Items’. As a matter of fact, the list comes to more than eighty items in all, ranging from antacid, (for stomach upset – see ‘comfort’ food above), to a plastic bucket with an airtight lid, (and we all know what THAT’s for, don’t we).

The list also includes one complete change of clothing for each person. (ONE change of clothing? Whoever dreamed that one up has never lived with a teenager.) It further recommends ‘heart and high blood-pressure medication’ for adults, advice that is presumably geared towards parents facing the prospect of two to three weeks cooped up in a fallout shelter with their children.

Under ‘Special Items’, we are urged to ‘remember family members with special requirements, such as infants and elderly persons’. Good advice, I think you will agree, though personally I would have put them higher on the list. As it is, infants and elderly persons come after thermal underwear and sunglasses.

At the end of the article, there are a few words of advice. For example, it is recommended that the Disaster Supply Kit be stored in a ‘convenient place known to all family members’ – which should be no problem at all if you have a garden shed with the capacity of an aircraft hangar.

We are also advised to keep a smaller version of the kit in the boot of the car. But what exactly is meant by a ‘smaller version’? Which items should be omitted? For instance, which is the more important item to have in the event of an emergency: thermal underwear or sunglasses? Antacid or an airtight bucket? An infant or an elderly person? I’m telling you, it’s this sort of dilemma that keeps me awake at night.

And what if I leave out the airtight bucket? Just where am I expected to keep the dip for the dozen boxes of potato crisps?

Why? What did you think the bucket was for?

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