And given the state of the world these days, it strikes me as a good idea to start preparing for the worst that could possibly happen, all the while hoping that commonsense will prevail and that peace and harmony will break out between the bitterest and most intractable of foes.
In other words, I aim to approach the present world crisis in much the same way that I approach a meeting with my bank manager.
The first thing to do, of course, is to prepare what the Red Cross calls a ‘Disaster Supply Kit’. I know this because it says so in an article in last week’s Sunday newspaper. What’s more, the article goes on to list all the items needed for a Disaster Supply Kit.
Under ‘Food’, for example, it advises me to accumulate a three-day supply of non-perishable food that requires no refrigeration, preparation or cooking. Unfortunately, my kids also came across the article, with the result that we now have a dozen boxes of assorted potato crisps occupying the space behind the living-room sofa.
Another entry on the food list is ‘comfort/stress’ foods. And I have to say, I find this more than a little puzzling. Let’s face it, given a choice between ‘comfort’ food or ‘stress’ food, who’s going to go for ‘stress’ food?
Interestingly enough, the article is accompanied by a large photograph of a tin of baked beans, (Heinz, if you must know – it is, after all, a quality newspaper). And I say ‘interestingly enough’ because I would have thought the last food item anyone would want to introduce into a fallout shelter is baked beans. In fact, when you think about it, baked beans in an enclosed space like a fallout shelter would most definitely come under the heading of ‘stress food’.
Meanwhile, in the ‘First Aid’ category, all the usual suspects are rounded up and put on parade: bandages, gauze pads, pain-killers, antiseptic ointment, thermometer, laxative…wait a minute - laxative? LAXATIVE? Exactly whose side are these people on?
[Memo to the Red Cross: Please note that, in the event of a nuclear, chemical or biological emergency, the use of laxatives in any shape or form will be TOTALLY UNNECESSARY, thank you very much. In fact, it could be downright fatal to anyone who has recently partaken of Heinz Stress Food in tomato sauce.]
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