A Lavender Christmas at the Movies

With the holiday season coming up, I thought it might be fun to review a few holiday movies with queer themes or subplots. After all, how many wholesome family tearjerkers can we take in a single month? I thought surely the gay community, with our reputation for razor-tongued repartee, could come up with something a little more involving than widow-with-six-kids-loses-house-and-life-savings-on-Christmas-Eve-but-meets-handsome-millionaire-dressed-like-Santa-in-church-on-Christmas-Day.

So, I went into the local gay video store. “Can you tell me about any good holiday movies with gay or lesbian characters?” I asked the manager.

He laughed. “I’ve had customers asking me that all week. If you find some, you tell me. My boyfriend says he’s going to throw the television set through the window if he sees any more reruns of It’s a Wonderful Life.”

I thought about it. “Was Frosty the Snowman gay? That whole singing and dancing thing…”

“Sorry.” The guy shook his head. “He had me fooled too, but he got married in a sequel.”

“Maybe it was a sham marriage. You have to admit he had some pretty good moves for a straight guy.”

“Maybe.”

We both sighed.

So now I’m depressed. And mad. First, because I’m gonna have to really stretch credibility to write this article.

Second, because being ignored pisses me off. And there’s no excuse for it this time. If what’s been on my television for the last two weeks is any indication, the market for maudlin romantic heterosexual holiday pap is well and truly saturated. It could benefit from a change of pace, and I know exactly the ten percent of the population who could provide it. Hint, hint.

That said, I did come up with five holiday movies for my article. One actually has a credible gay character. The rest only have the most tenuous and convoluted relationships to the LBGT community. But beggars can’t be choosers. Maybe I’ll have better luck next year. You listenin’, Santa?

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
Stars: Holly Hunter, Robert Downey Jr., Anne Bancroft, Charles Durning (Directed by Jodie Foster).
Plot: It’s Thanksgiving week, and Claudia (Hunter) is miserable. She’s just been fired. Her teenage daughter wants to have sex with a boy Claudia doesn’t even like. And worse, Claudia has to go home to visit her parents for the holidays. Will she survive her obsessive mother, her oblivious father, her saintly older sister, and her bratty younger brother? Part comedy, part romance, and part family drama, this film will make you laugh, think, and thank your lucky stars your family isn’t that dysfunctional.

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