Responding to Homophobia

Picture this: You’re in a restaurant, having dinner with your sweetie. The candles are lit, the food is on the table, and life is good. Until the people at the next table starts talking to each other: “I am just so sick of those homosexuals trying to get special rights…” You and your partner look at each other. You’re pretty sure this doesn’t meet the legal definition of justifiable homicide, but you’d like to respond in some way.

Or picture this: You’re starting a new job. On the first day of orientation, the speaker, your new boss, tells a crude joke about lesbians, then pretends to wipe his forehead and says, “Whew, glad there aren’t any queers in here, or I could get in trouble.”

As lesbigay people (or supporters), we all have to deal with homophobia at one time or another. It may be subtle or obvious, annoying or life-threatening, intended as a joke or intended to leave scars. But it’s always there. The question is, what can we do about it?

There are three basic ways to respond to a homophobic remark: educate, silence, or ignore. All can be effective.

EDUCATE. The simplest form of education is to simply come out of the closet. Studies show that people who know a lesbigay person tend to be less homophobic than those who think they don’t. If nothing else, knowing they are in the presence of a lesbigay person is usually enough to discourage all but the most rabid (or stupid) homophobes from continuing an offensive conversation.

Another less dramatic form of education is to provide facts and figures to counter untrue remarks and stereotypes. For instance, the couple above who were discussing “special rights” might be reminded that it is they who enjoy the special rights of marriage, next of kin privileges, tax breaks, etc.

If you can throw a little good-natured (or not-so-good-natured) humor into your educational efforts, so much the better. I recently went on a trip and had the misfortune of running into a taxi driver who, ignoring my frozen silence, made anti-gay jokes all the way from the airport to my hotel. When we arrived, I handed him exact change for the fare. He said, “No tip?” I said, “Sure, here’s a tip: Don’t assume all your passengers are straight.” He might not have liked the message, but he did get it.

SILENCE. Education is nice, but sometime it’s not an option. Sometimes, the very best you can hope for is to get the homophobe to be quiet.

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