When A Pregnancy Ends in Miscarriage: A Guide for Lesbian Couples
care of yourself physically. Have you ever gotten sick after being stressed out? The body and mind are closely connected. Make sure you eat healthy foods, get plenty of rest and exercise, and see your doctor on a regular basis.
Consider attending a support group for parents who have experienced early pregnancy loss. Call ahead to make sure the group will be lesbian-supportive.
Talk to your doctor about why the miscarriage occurred. Many couples spend years blaming themselves when in fact nothing they could have done would have prevented the pregnancy loss.
Finally, don't blame yourself. Even if you think you may have lost the pregnancy because of something you did, be gentle and forgive yourself. You can learn from the experience, but don't turn it into an excuse for self-assault.
Sadly, I was unable to find any websites specifically for lesbian couples who have suffered a miscarriage, but The Compassionate Friends, which provides grief support after the death of a child, provides an excellent brochure on Stillbirth, Miscarriage, and Infant Death.
Because miscarriages often occur before there are any outward signs of pregnancy, many people assume they are not true losses. These attitudes may be especially prevalent when the woman who miscarries is part of a lesbian couple. If you or your partner has miscarried, though, your loss is real and valid. You are not over-reacting by grieving, and you have a right to mourn and to heal from the loss you have suffered.
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