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Emotions After Caesareans

© Jaime Warren

When I held my daughter in my arm's for the first time, I was overwhelmed with emotions that I had never before experienced. All at once I was consumed with love, warmth and the overwhelming need to protect and nurture her. While these feelings stayed with me, I also began to feel emotions that I was completely unprepared for.

I expected to experience the post partum "blues", but the feelings that ran through me went much further than that. I was suddenly angry, sad, guilty, and resentful about everything surrounding my Caesarean Section. Instead of looking back at the birth of my daughter with happiness, I felt as though I had deprived myself and my daughter of a vaginal birth. I often found myself in tears, unable to explain these feelings to anyone.

Days, weeks and months went by and the feelings remained. My life continued on as normal, but I was constantly plagued by feelings of "what if." What if I had eaten healthier during my pregnancy? What if I had waited a little bit longer before agreeing to the Caesarean? It wasn't until I began talking with other woman who had undergone Caesareans that I began to realize that those feelings were normal.

Anger & Resentment: It´s perfectly normal to feel angry after the fact. You may be angry at yourself, angry at your doctor, or angry at the nurses. You may resent the fact that the chain of events occurred like they did. You may resent your doctor for performing the procedure, or the nurses for being there.

Disappointment & Sadness: It´s perfectly normal to feel disappointed about having a caesarean. You may feel as though you failed because you were unable to have a vaginal birth. You may feel disappointed and sad because you didn't get to experience pushing, or watching the baby's head crown.

Guilt: Guilt is a common emotion after having a Caesarean. You may feel as though you must have done something wrong during pregnancy or labor to end up needing a Caesarean. You may feel guilty because you couldn't control the circumstances surrounding your Caesarean.

Regret: It is common to feel regret about having a Caesarean. You may regret not being able to labor a little bit longer. If you feel as though your Caesarean was unnecessary, you may regret not having said no, or asking more questions.

Inadequacy: Feelings of inadequacy after having a Caesarean are normal. You may feel inadequate as a mother, or as a woman since you were unable to delivery vaginally.

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