A Great Loss

As I write this, it has been one month since my husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.

He use to pick me up after every dialysis treatment on Mon- Wed- Fri. He would always come into the treatment area, and talk to the nurses, techs, and patients alike. He would chitchat, tell jokes, and he loved to debate.

Friday nights after dialysis, was always our Chinese food night. I miss that. We would walk around the corner to eat Chinese food before heading back to the dialysis unit to call our taxi to go home.

He was a part of the dialysis family. Some staff even came to his wake. He was loved by many.

My husband was my biggest supporter. Whatever I did, he always helped me and encouraged me. He always believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. I felt safe when I was with him. He is the only person I have ever been able to be myself around.

Ron was always trying to help people. He helped a dialysis patient get her car unstuck from the snow. He helped a tech fix her computer and helped a patient by helping him pick out a computer for his daughter in college.

Going back into dialysis after my husband died was hard. The staff gave me hugs with tears in their eyes. It was and still is hard waiting in the reception area for my taxi to come. I always looked out there for Ron to walk up the driveway when I got finished before he came.

My sister Mary had come up from Florida to Massachusetts where I am from. She stayed with me and dropped me off and picked me up from dialysis during this first week of Ron's passing. This helped me tremendously. I am so glad she was able to stay with me for an entire week. She has been my best friend and I miss her terribly since she moved to Florida some years ago.

I didn't know how I would be able to continue to go to dialysis, being so depressed, and knowing that I would not be accompanied home and realizing that I would be going home to an empty home, well almost. Somehow, with God's help, I have continued.

My cat "Goodboy", has been my saving grace. Without him I think I might have cracked. I am also very lucky and extremely grateful that my mother and 14 year old nephew live in the apartment below me. I am very close to my nephew and my mother is so very kind and generous. She makes dinner late on my dialysis nights, so that I may come home to a hot dinner at 8:30pm.