For the Supporters:
If you are a friend or relative of someone facing kidney failure, you may wonder how you can help that person better cope with their illness. Lifelong medical diseases can bring on depression, especially during the initial disclosure that one will have such a disease.
Please understand that we may feel unattractive at times as the need for dialysis requires an unnatural access made in our body. Either a fistula/graft for hemodialysis or a catheter in the belly for peritoneal. Peritoneal dialysis may also cause us to gain weight or look big in the belly when the dialysate is put in. This may cause us to feel insecure during intimacy. For the most part we become comfortable with ourselves after a while, give us some time.
Please try to learn as much as you can about kidney failure and the treatment to better understand what is going on in the lives of your loved ones. For the elderly or more subdued patient this can be especially important because you may need to speak up for them if something is not going right.
Please don't look at us as though we have one foot in the grave. On the other side don't ignore that we are sick, or act like "just get over it" as though we have a cold. Let us set our own pace and do things if we feel capable. We know our own bodies and know what we can handle or when we need a rest.
Let us have your shoulder to cry on or your ears to listen to us talk. We may feel down sometimes and just need a friend to hear out our worries and cares. Respect our feelings and don't say "Oh you shouldn't feel like that", even in a caring manner, those kind of words can just dismiss how we feel. Some times we may feel sorry for ourselves. And sure, other people may be worse off, but it is still no picnic to live knowing you need a machine 3 days a week to do so.
Treat us just as you have before, we are the same people with just a new disease. Encourage us, get mad at us, still find us sexy.
If you are in a position where you physically need to take care of someone with kidney failure, be sure to let yourself take breaks and find someone to talk with. Don't be overburdened and wear yourself out.
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