Ten Years in an Empty Orchestra Pit: A Relatively Sympathetic Observer's Guide to Karaoke--Pt. IV
other hand, would be hard pressed to stutter our way through Frère Jacques, a song we've all known--but never understood--since kindergarten. If you're intimidated by facile bilingualism, it might be best to start your international karaoke adventures in England or Ireland.
Portrush is a working-class resort town on the northern shore of Northern Ireland, and it attracts visitors mainly from England, Scotland, and the Irish Republic. Stopping in to watch the karaoke show at the Peninsula Hotel, I was reminded of just how normal life can seem in a land most of us think of as war-torn. As if on loan from Central Casting, a succession of ruddy-faced red headed Irish tenors took the stage that night, each one a little better than the last. Their voices were clear, full, and of such a high pitch that you began to wonder if every Irish baby boy undergoes a particular ritual shortly after birth, sort of like the Jewish bris, only with the scalpel aimed a little lower.
A decade later, I have still not been converted into the karaoke lifestyle. I sing only occasionally, usually when seduced by the right mixture of friends and beverages. Karaoke bars can be wellsprings of great fun when occupied by people who don't take themselves too seriously. But they can also be sad places where lonely men and women struggle to earn the only external validation they will ever receive. And nothing makes me reach for the Pepto Bismol faster than watching some lovesick couple gazing into each other's eyes as they sing "Summer Nights" from the soundtrack of Grease.
Still, the ridicule received by karaoke and its adherents seems a little out of proportion to the actual offense they create. Karaoke is, after all, only one step removed from singing in the shower. Except, of course, that you don't do it naked, at least not in any of the places that I've been to so far. But I'm still looking.
Editor's note: I'd like to thank guest contributor DJL for these fabulous articles. If any of my readers have suggestions for future columns, or contributions of your own, please contact me here, or post in the discussion forums. Keep singing, everyone!
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