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Karaoke Contests

© Hilary Williams

Recently, I was being a couch potato, and heard a rather obnoxious announcer shout, "Gimme the mic!" He shouted it several times, which further added to his obnoxiousness. I was so busy thinking about how irritating his voice was, I didn't immediately catch what was being advertised. My husband cut through the noise when he said, "Hey, you should do that."

Do what? I thought. Then, I listened more carefully. The ad was for a local singing contest. Similar to American Idol, contestants would sing in front of a panel of judges for a chance to appear on a local show.

According to the show web site, contestants can go to a local mall on two designated days to audition, and should be "... prepared to sing up to 90 seconds of your favorite song a cappella."

Hubby tried to convince me to try out. "You'd get on the show through cuteness alone!" he insisted. (Hmm ... I can choose to take that to mean a) I'm adorable, or b) I can't sing. Choice a lets him live-I'll go with that.)

I told him no way, for two very important reasons:

• I haven't sung in public for two years.
• I don't do contests.

As I mentioned in last month's article, I have moved several times in the past three years, and have had difficulty finding new karaoke venues with each move. Consequently, I have not actually been to a karaoke show since three moves ago. I feel a bit rusty, to say the least. A few days ago, I was home alone, and found myself attempting to belt along with Evanescence's "Bring Me to Life." I realize this is a difficult song, but I nearly killed myself trying to reach a few notes I would have found fairly painless a few years ago. Amy Lee, I'm not. I think the cat is still in hiding.

I have never been a fan of contests. Most of those I have attended have been run very unfairly. Many are judged by audience applause. This means that one guy can sound like a dying cow, but they brought all their frat brothers along. Someone else may be the next Mariah Carey, but the only person who could make it was their great-aunt Gertrude. Who do you think wins? That's right-the hot blond chick with the tight t-shirt. Come on, the frat guys would throw over their grandmothers for that.