... in a relationship, through exchange and give and take, one can come be more aware of aspects of oneself.
In a relationship we all tend to project onto others part of what is really in ourselves. In Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious Jung tells us "...projection is an unconscious, automatic process whereby a content that is unconscious to the subject transfers itself to a object..." (Jung 60) June Singer, in Boundaries of the Soul, explains further that when we project our unconscious attributes onto another, we behave as if that person is what we imagine him or her to be. (Singer 361-2) A couple may marry and unconsciously end up with the husband projecting a likeness of his mother onto his wife or visa versa. But it is only when those projections are recognized and acknowledged, or become conscious, that they are withdrawn and the partner in the relationship can be seen as who he or she truly is, as well as who one is him or herself.
In the early stages of a relationship projection is what draws two people together. The other person in the relationship mirrors, or carries, some part of ourselves for us until we can recognize that it actually is in us. Both positive and negative qualities may be projected, but regardless, friction may come into a relationship when one partner rejects the projections of the other. If the friction results in examination and recognition of those projected elements, the relationship and the people in it can grow and move toward individuation. But the process may not be smooth and easy. This is where the give and take comes in.
Maybe a couple enters a marriage with the woman seeing her husband as the white knight of her dreams. The husband sees the wife as a very orderly homemaker. In the marriage the two will ultimately disappoint the other and arguments are likely to ensue. The wife's expectations, as well as the husband's, come out of her own background and how she sees the male role in the partnership. Through the friction that comes about, she may learn that her husband is not the person she thought, and he likewise may learn about his wife. The wife may recognize that actually she has some of the strengths she expects in him, and he may recognize that it is he himself who is the very orderly person around the house, or the one who needs that order, while his wife is not nearly so concerned with it. The challenge will be for each to accept what is his or her own personality and see who the other really is.
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