Foundations of Japanese etiquette -- a primer
(remember, that's the junior) may even adopt the language and attitude of a child on occasion with his senpai, and the senpai may respond like a parent -- either indulgent or strict. Sound bizarre? It's not really. Haven't you ever flat-out whined to your boss that you need a day off?
Compliments
Another difficult thing for foreigners to get used to in Japan is the game of compliments. In the West, we are taught to be proud (but not to the point of arrogance) of our accomplishments. We are brought up believing that we should offer sincere compliments generously and accept them graciously with a "thank you," or a brief discussion of the subject ("You're really good at arranging flowers!" "Why, thank you! I've been doing it for years, since my Aunt Hattie...")
In Japan, compliments are not usually traded with such abandon. I'm afraid I don't understand it all that well myself, even after six years, but I can say the following things with certainty:
If you are expecting a compliment from someone close to you for something you do well, you are likely to be disappointed. In Japan, silence can be a compliment, too, simply because it is a lack of criticism.
If you are getting too many compliments from strangers or casual acquaintances, they are probably polite insincerities (called homei sugi, this practice almost always manifests itself when a foreigner speaks a little Japanese. This is meant to be encouragement. One reaches the point of deeper understanding where the receipt of such a compliment feels more like a reminder to keep working hard until you are so fluent people just accept that you speak the language rather than reacting with amazement).
If you get a compliment, you should not say "thank you" or you just failed the test and now look like a conceited pig. You should very humbly refuse the compliment with a slight bow and a remark like "no, I'm still just a beginner." True, in the West, this sort of remark would be seen as "digging for more compliments." In Japan, however, it is part of the game. More compliments will follow. Continue to refuse them all. Think of it as a game: who will quit first? It usually only lasts two or three rounds, and then you can revel in the knowledge that you just came off looking like a person of virtue -- not always easy in
Latest Articles