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CyberCheating, is it real?

© Caroline Baker

My husband and I meet online. Back then, it wasn't this hotbed of Internet pick-up joints. The people that came onto the Internet were truly computer geeks, and proud of it.

When we first meet, I had been going out with someone else at the time. It was purely a platonic relationship. But as time went on, and I broke up with my boyfriend, we started to generate feelings for one another. We started to share those feelings both online and over the phone.

For those of you with gutter-mind, get back on track. It was an innocent relationship. We enjoyed chatting and getting to know one another. About a year later, we meet in person. It was near magical getting to see him in person. And after that point, we had both agreed that since we had meet and gotten close to one another online, territories online would be off-limits. We couldn’t seriously flirt or try to get into a relationship with other folks.

For me, it felt like cheating if I were even to role-play with another person a relationship. I barely talked with other guys online for several months after that. To this day, I still feel awkward talking about other relationships in my PBeM (play-by-email) games.

Are my feelings founded? Is it cheating to flirt with someone else who isn't your lover, boyfriend, or husband, online?

Ann Landers, a popular advise columnist, has had many letters come into her about cyberaffairs and how the Net has become a haven for "... the lonely and the bored often get connected with people who are undesirable. Vulnerable people fantasize that they're going to meet Mr. Wonderful or Miss Marvelous. It can be dangerous; they sound good, but you don't know who they are or what they're up to."

Is the Internet such a trap for cyberaffairs?

Recently, I had a discussion with Maurenne Griese, editor at Suite101 for Pregnancy and Childbirth and owner to BustedYouOnline.

I think it's good for people to know that what they do online can be discovered and to know how online infidelity can negatively impact families and relationships.

I heard a number of stories from men and women about how online infidelity was damaging their marriages. Innocent chatting quickly escalated to cybersex, emotional affairs and sometimes physical affairs. Spouses viewing porn when they said they weren't or would never do it. There were few resources on the topic of online infidelity.