Rabbi Lerner outlines six major steps to designing a service that will be equally special to both the bride and the groom (and both sides of the family). The first step is to read a number of sample services to see how others have combined their faiths into a loving and memorable service symbolizing their lives together. There’s no better place to get ideas than from those who have been down this road before. Rabbi Lerner provides several sample services in part II of his book. You can pick up bits and pieces from a number of ceremonies and then add your own special touches to create a unique and personalized ceremony that suits you.
Step two is to choose the passages you want read during your service. This includes not only the scriptural or poetic passages that will be read by friends and family members but also the text you want for each element of the service – should the opening remarks be traditional Catholic or traditional Hebrew? The blessings, prayers and vows must also be decided upon. This should probably be reviewed with the clergy members who will preside over the service to determine what the options are. Rabbi Lerner gives several examples in part III of his book.
Step three is to devise a first-draft. While there are no absolute rules as to how interfaith ceremonies should be conducted, order and flow are important. Placement of the reading should coincide with the themes of surrounding prayers and passages if possible. You also must decide if you would rather exchange vows toward the middle of the ceremony or have the whole ceremony lead up to that moment followed by the pronouncement. Rabbi Lerner suggests editing the passages to reflect your own style, thoughts and feelings.
Step four is to review the draft with your officiant(s), making whatever changes are necessary. Make sure that everyone involved is comfortable with the text.
Step five involves the final touches. You have to decide who will read what passages. Obviously in interfaith ceremonies, a rabbi will lead the uniquely Jewish sections and a priest or minister will lead the Christian elements of the service. Any remaining passages should be equally divided between the two. You also must decide which family members of friends will do each of the readings.
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