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The Interfaith Wedding Ceremony: Part 3

© Jill Critchley Rubin

Finding a location and officiant(s) for an interfaith wedding ceremony is a difficult first step, but many are not aware of the other conflicts between Jewish and Christian wedding traditions. For example, the time of the ceremony.

Saturday afternoon weddings are common among Christian couples as it allows friends and family travel time before and after the ceremony and doesn't usually affect their work schedules. However, this is not an option for religious Jews since according to Jewish tradition, weddings are not to be held on the Sabbath. Jewish weddings are also banned from a number of Jewish holidays. Be sure to coordinate calendars from the start and try to pick a day that will benefit families.

Most couples anticipate the hassles of determining seating arrangements for the reception, but many (including myself at first) are not aware that seating at the ceremony itself can get confusing. In a traditional Christian wedding, the bride's family sits on the left side of the church and the groom's family sits to the right. The opposite is true in a Jewish ceremony. So, to avoid a mix-up, be sure to have ushers who can escort each guest to the proper place.

Whether or not to meet before the ceremony is another point which Jewish and Christian tradition disagree on. Jewish couples meet before the ceremony to sign the ketubah - or marriage contract - together. Yet, many Christian brides prefer not to see the groom before the ceremony as it is considered "bad luck".

The wedding processional in each faith is also quite different. In a Christian ceremony, the groom awaits the bride's arrival in the front of the church while the attendants process down the aisle followed by the bride, who is escorted by her father. Jewish wedding processionals are more inclusive, allowing everyone in the wedding party and the immediate family of both the bride and groom to process. Furthermore, you will need to decide where everyone will stand during the ceremony. Will parents stand under the huppa with the bride and groom as in the Jewish tradition, or be seated for the ceremony as is customary in a Christian wedding? You must also decide whether the guests should stand or sit at the arrival of the bride. American Christians tend to stand while Jewish tradition has everyone remain seated during the processional. Finally, the music. What tune will the bride march down the aisle to? The typical "Here Comes the Bride" by Wagner used in most Christian ceremonies is avoided in Jewish weddings since it is commonly known that Wagner, a German, was anti-Semitic. All of these issues must be addressed ahead of time and discussed with the officiants of the ceremony and both families to make sure everyone will be comfortable with the decisions.

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