Choosing a venue for an interfaith ceremony can be somewhat limited, as couples tend to shy away from holding the ceremony in any type of religious setting. For fear of making half of the attendants uncomfortable, or perhaps because many clergymen have closed their doors to interfaith ceremonies, many interfaith couples decide on civil ceremonies. Those who do want to include some of each religious tradition tend to hold the ceremony in a neutral location with a representative from each religion officiating.
According to Susan Weidman Schneider in her book Intermarriage: The Challenge of Living with Differences between Christians and Jews, “most Jewish clergy and lay personnel do not support intermarriage unless the non-Jewish partner converts to Judaism.” (p. 4) Although rabbis respond to interfaith marriage with varying degrees of concern, many still tend to avoid presiding over interfaith ceremonies for two reasons: Jewish law can be interpreted to prohibit such a union, and there is traditionally some concern over loosing another member of the Jewish community.
Schneider has also declared that “Christian clergy – especially liberal Protestants – are more encouraging.” (p. 4) In my experience, liberal clergy from both the Jewish and Christian traditions have been very accommodating. In fact, my wedding will be co-officiated by a rabbi and an Episcopalian priest – and it will be held in the Episcopal church I grew up in.
Since my fiancé’s family no longer regularly attends temple, we decided to look elsewhere for a rabbi willing to preside over our ceremony. I have heard horror stories about how rabbis have turned their backs on interfaith couples, even if one member of that couple belonged to the temple. Yet, our search for a rabbi went quite smoothly. The resources available to interfaith couples are slowly growing.
Web sites such as www.weddingchannel.com or www.newjerseybride.com provide a good starting place. Rabbi Devon A. Lerner, in her book “Celebrating Interfaith Marriages: Creating Your Jewish/Christian Ceremony” also suggests contacting the Rabbinic Center for Research and Counseling in Westfield, NJ at 908-233-0419. The Center publishes a nationwide list of rabbis who will officiate interfaith ceremonies.
Finding a priest or a minister may be slightly easier, since they are required by church law to help couples create healthy marriages – even interfaith couples. Yet, if you plan to work with both a priest and a rabbi, make the arrangements as early as possible. Some clergy are not willing to co-officiate.
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