Another key that goes hand in hand with time is stability. Instead of being in the care of a different day care worker every few months, my children have been home with Mama every year of their life, with Daddy walking in the door at the end of every day. A consistent, steady, long-term commitment from the people guiding them goes a long way in helping kids know what the limits are and what to expect. They want and need warm responsive parents to spend their days with in order to form healthy attachments. Because of that stability, they believe me when I tell them something is important because I am the one they look to for guidance. When I tell them they need to do or not do something, they usually accept that I must be telling them this for a good reason. Because of the huge shift of mothers to the workforce, I believe that many kids are now lacking this stability in early childhood. Kids today may have a dozen different babysitters or day care teachers and preschool teachers before they even reach the age of five. And it's that, rather than any perceived reduction in spankings, that makes this generation of kids seems more unruly than in "the old days".
Another area of importance in proactive discipline is realistic expectations. We don't expect our baby to leave the cat food alone and we don't expect our kids to keep their jeans clean. I see a lot of toddlers getting in trouble at basketball games because they are simply too young to sit still for 3 hours or understand what's going on. Sometimes McDonald's is more appropriate than a fancy restaurant. And the park is a better choice for an outing than a trinket shop. We move breakables or dangerous items up high when a baby is on the prowl. We do all of these things because we want to set our kids up for success. Otherwise, you will be constantly at your wit's end and saying no becomes static in their ears. It is our responsibility as parents to monitor our children well enough to keep them from running into the street or getting into other dangers. We can't wait for it to happen and rely on subsequent punishment to teach them safety.
Consistency is a crucial part of discipline. We have certain rules that are always in effect. We as the parents don't allow ourselves to change our minds about french fries or a toy just because we don't want to hear whining. When parents give in to whining or tantrums they are reinforcing negative behavior and assuring that it will happen again. There are just some things parents have to stick to. Just as car seats and seatbelts are not optional, so are several other rules in their lives. And just as the car stays put until they are buckled, we often have to stop in the middle of our daily activities and wait until they have done what is expected. This is one reason why family life shouldn't be so busy that you say, "whatever, just do what you want, I don't have time to deal with this." We need to take time to address problems as they arise and spend however long we need to in teaching and correcting.
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