Number one on my list of factors that contribute to good behavior is that we pay attention to our kids. I often notice that kids who are starved for their parents' attention will try to get attention through acting out. But well-behaved kids don't have a need to be noticed, because Mama and Daddy notice their drawing and say "that's great!" We notice their interest in cowboys and take them to the rodeo. We notice when they are sad and ask "what's wrong?" Along those same lines, we notice when they are in need of correction or need steering in another direction. We don't just turn a blind eye and hope that negative behavior will disappear. We intercept before it gets out of hand. When my 8 month old keeps crawling over to chew on the lamp cord, I remove her and play pat-a-cake. When my 6 year old son starts getting mad at his big sister, I sometimes have them play in separate rooms for a while. As they get older, children who know that what they do matters to their parents are going to make better decisions and think more carefully before they act. In other words, they're less impulsive.
Just as important as attentiveness is the time we spend with our children. We realize that they need quantities of quality time with us, even if what we're doing is as simple as talking, reading, or playing checkers. It's these seemingly small, simple day-to-day activities that "fill up their tanks" with love and make them feel special and important to us. When we do these things, they are more calm and at ease with themselves and their surroundings. Sometimes I can tell when one of our kids needs more time with us on that particular day. They will start to seem whiny and short-tempered. It's amazing the difference a little cooking with mom or wrestling with Dad can make in their behavior. A kid whose needs are met is simply going to be more capable of controlling his behavior.
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