Home » Partners & Parents » Instinctive Mothering » Proactive Discipline and Well-Behaved Children

Proactive Discipline and Well-Behaved Children

© Becky Jackson

I was sitting in a doctor's office waiting room recently, taking my 4 month old for a checkup. My 8 and 7 year old daughters were reading together across from me. My 6 year old son sat beside me talking as I sat in the corner nursing my baby. We had been waiting for about 30 or 45 minutes when a man's name was called for his turn. As he walked toward the nurse who was holding the door, I heard him stop and turn around.

"Ma'am."

I didn't think he'd be talking to me so I just sat there.

"Ma'am," he repeated as I looked up. "I appreciate well-behaved children. There's nothing worse than coming to the doctor's office when you're sick to have to deal with kids running around being loud and rude. I just want to commend you because your children are very well-behaved."

"Thank you. I appreciate that," I replied and he went on.

As you can imagine, I was on a proud mama high that afternoon. But that wasn't the first time I'd heard such a comment. My children's good behavior has been noticed and praised in the dentist's office too, and a photo studio and church and a Wal-Mart checkout line and in our home. People have asked me if I keep them away from sugar or if we "beat" them. I guess they want to know my secret.

Now before this starts to sound like an article full of boasting, let me say that I only share these things in order to establish my credibility that the perspective I'm about to share really can work. Most people seem to think that physical punishment is the only way to elicit good behavior and assume that children who aren't given prompt and regular spankings will be out of control "monsters". Well, my kids are not perfect little robots. They have to be reminded to do things and they fight with each other. But my focus is not so much on obedience (do what I say right now!) as you might have expected. Instead my focus is on raising kids who are generally polite and content and care about how those around them feel. And that's what I've got, kids who are noticeably considerate to adults and other children alike.

One of the biggest accolades for many of us as mothers is the elusive "well-behaved children" compliment. We see so many kids today who are rude or disrespectful or plain old annoying to be around and we want to work hard at making sure our children don't become one of them. People do a lot of crazy things in the name of trying to raise well-behaved children. Some slap 5-month-olds on the hands or legs. Some hit their children with a wooden cane. Some other techniques might not sound quite as extreme as these, but might look quite bizarre if we took a step back to watch ourselves and examine our rationale.

The copyright of the article Proactive Discipline and Well-Behaved Children in Instinctive Mothering is owned by . Permission to republish Proactive Discipline and Well-Behaved Children in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.