I'll Be Here

We would both feel cheated if I raised you halfheartedly.

I won't miss a job, a new car, or some clothes.

I don't need much to be home watching my baby grow.

I'll do my best for you to fill your days with cheer.

And you won't have to wonder who to count on, I'll be here.

--Becky Jackson

When my first child was born, I lacked only one semester in completing my college education. And during my pregnancy, I had it all planned. I would simply drop my baby off with a babysitter while I finished school, then while I was working full time. Case closed. No problem.

There was definitely a problem. Although Abby was born in June, and I had the whole summer with her before I would begin student teaching, it wasn't enough. I spent the summer crying and dreading leaving her. I had to finish my education. I couldn't come that far only to turn back. Could I? My family was mortified that I would consider postponing the last semester, but my husband told me to do what I wanted to do.

What I wanted was to nurse my baby longer than two months. I wanted to be the one to feed her, to rock her, to hold her, to take her for walks. I wanted to be with her every minute. How could I, after being a mother for only two months, then turn over my daughter to someone else for eight hours a day? I couldn't do it.

I announced my decision to my family. I would not be going back in August to do my student teaching. For the first time in my life that I could remember, my parents were disappointed in me. At the time, I knew no one who understood my decision. I began to think that my desire to stay home was a weakness on my part. I just wasn't a strong enough woman to leave my baby. But I couldn't ignore the undeniable instinct I had.

The next spring, I did finish earning my degree while my husband stayed home with Abby. It took both of our families to help me through it. It was hard, but I was glad to get it over with.

The teacher who was over me in my student teaching asked me where I planned to apply for a job.

"I plan to stay home with my daughter," I told her.

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