Substitute Mothering

I used to think I'd be a hip turn of the century mom like the ones I see on TV and in newsstand magazines. I'd drop off my infant at day care with a bag full of bottles and formula, dressed in a business suit and heels. But in real life, I have more in common with my 80-year-old grandmother than with the modern mother stereotype. Breastfeeding, cosleeping, and staying home with my children are viewed as unfortunate ancient remnants from mothering's past.

Though this century has dawned many positive changes for women, its advancements have also transformed the art of mothering into the science of mother substitution. Modern technology has yielded replacements for a mother's breast, a mother's arms, and a mother's time with little regard for the implications. Certainly, a y2k mother can choose a less involved role in childrearing, but at what price?

The technology over biology substitutions actually begin with childbirth. Today's mothers use epidurals as a means to avoid an inherent part of the birth process: pain. The problem, however, is that labor pain may serve a purpose. A mother sheep who is given an epidural often refuses to nurse or nurture her lamb. What if part of the biological purpose of labor pain is to jumpstart the bonding process? Then many women today begin their journey into motherhood with less maternal attachment than we were made to feel.

Mother is once again replaced in the nourishment of a newborn. Though the hormones and skin-to-skin contact involved in nursing have been proven to promote bonding, this century's mothers now can, and often do, replace the breast with formula and bottles. Many mothers now refuse to even try nursing due to the perceived awkwardness, embarrassment, and lack of freedom that might accompany it. Our society doesn't consider the production of God-designed mother's milk to be a significant function of mothering, so the decision is made lightly.

While feeding methods alone won't make or break the relationship between a mother and child, other elements are more critical. Another factor that enhances this relationship is close physical contact (a.k.a. a mother's arms). Holding a newborn as much as possible is known to improve a baby's health and contentment. Called kangaroo care when used with premature infants, this instinctive response is now shunned in fear of spoiling and in favor of self-soothing. The modern version of a mother's arms is sometimes the overuse of playpens. Many babies spend hours a day alone in a playpen and there's even a device that holds a baby's bottle in the crib, thus eliminating adult involvement in feeding altogether.

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