Infertility and the Holidays

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Nov 13, 1998

Here we are again, half way through November. Before we know it Thanksgiving will be here and then Christmas. When I was a child I loved the holidays. But this year I find myself dreading them. Dreading the big family dinners and the packed malls filled with parents and children. What is the difference this year for me? The difference is something that I'm not alone in... it is infertility. It seems like the holidays will just emphasize to me what is missing. How can I face family dinners full of kids, laughter, and dreams for the future when my dreams are in shambles? How do I handle a Christmas Eve church service full of families with kids excited about Santa's coming when I don't have a child? Am I being selfish in feeling these things? I know the true meaning of Christmas but it is just so hard to handle these feelings of heartbreak and the families questions about when we are going to have another baby. Fortunately we aren't alone in these feelings. We all go through this and there is help out there.

I have searched through several infertility websites to find out the best ways to handle the holidays! Although the bulk of the tips are for those dealing with primary infertility, I think there is a lesson to be learned behind them. That lesson is it is ok to indulge yourself and it is ok to avoid situations that you feel will be to hard for you to handle right now. Here is a list of things to help the holidays easier:

1. Realize that there will be insensitive questions. Prepare yourself now for them because they will come. Rehearse your responses to these questions, it will make it easier for you to handle the situation when it arises.

2. Take care of yourself! Take a day before the bustle begins to relax, read a book, take a bubble bath, etc. Pamper yourself.

3. Pick and choose your family get togethers. It is ok to say "no, we really can't make it this year." Don't be a hermit either. Try getting together with some childless friends or going out for a fancy dinner if you feel that a day of nieces, nephews and questions would be too much.

4. Pay attention to where you go. If crowds of large families are too much for you there are things you can do. Go to a midnight church service Christmas Eve instead of the earlier one. There will be few children there. Try shopping at smaller boutiques instead of crowded malls where you will inevitably see large families and screaming kids. Shopping from a catalog

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