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Learning to love yourself, defective parts and all

© Shayla Swart

Well hello to you all, it's been a long time since I had time to sit down and fill you in on my life. Things are going very well. We found out that the liver problems were caused by high triglycerides and cholesterol which is fixable with medication and diet. For me being diabetic already it should not be a hard thing but it always has been. I've never been very good at eating "healthy" and drinking water instead of soda. Getting the call telling me get 50 lbs. off or you could do permanent damage to your liver was like a slap in the face. One that struck me so hard that it hit the very core of who I am.

Ever since I was a child I would eat because I was unhappy. Then in Highschool I lost a TON of weight and food no longer became a focus. I got married and we started trying to have a baby and I reverted to the behavior that is nothing but trouble. Every bad cycle whether it was cysts or the witch showing her face one more time, I would eat and eat and eat. You get the point right? I went from being a healthy 150 lbs. and skyrocketed up to 250 lbs. Can you imagine? I went from be a slim size 5 to barely squeezing into size 22 jeans. We took a 3 months break and I worked as hard as I ever have at getting the weight off and got pregnant at 220 lbs. Not great but not horrible I carry my weight well so people who looked at me didn't think HOLY COW literally. I got pregnant with my son and was then sentenced to 9 months in bed because I got pregnant as such an unhealthy weight*.

On June 8th 2000 I walked into the hospital weighing 310 lbs. and delivered a healthy beautiful 7 lb. baby and walked out of the hospital weighting only 10 lbs. less. I was DEVESTATED. I looked in the mirror and hated who I had become I was so thankful for what I had in my son but so sad at what I had done to my body and the consequences it paid. I spent the first 4 months of my sons life in and out of the hospital because my poor body was just not capable of carrying that enormous amount of weight.