Winning Contest Entry

Through all the years I was trying to have a baby, (sixteen) through all the negative pregnancy tests, (over 75) through all the positive pregnancy tests, (ten) through all 9 losses, no one ever took the time to tell my partner and I, that it was going to be OK. I admit, we may have scoffed at them, and said, "Easy for you to say, Miss I have my 2.5 children, thankyousoverymuch" But I realize looking back, we really needed someone to say, "Hey guys, it's going to be OK"

So what does, "It's going to be OK really mean?" I means to me, that no matter what, it's really going to be OK. I never thought I'd have a child. Now, I know I didn't have my child the old fashioned way, and I had to be OK with giving up my genetic link to have a child, but you know what, "It really is OK" What it boils down to is this, infertility stinks. I think it's a fate worse than death sometimes. It's not fair, it's painful, no one understands, unless they are in your shoes, and even then, some of those people who are walking down infertility row, don't get it either. It's not something you can blame God for, or your mother, or anyone, it just happens.

How does this affect my relationship with my husband? In more ways than anyone could ever imagine. It's almost impossible to articulate. Infertility has caused us both to really take a hard look at ourselves, each other, and our surroundings. It's made us reach deep down into places that we've never been before, and take a personal inventory of what we are made of. It's caused us to question our spirituality. It's caused us to ask if we were really "Parent Material" -- were we infertile because we were not deserving?

We have undergone shots, vitamin supplements, surgery, therapy, chanting, praying, you name it we have done it to try to bring a child into this world. We have lost our dignity. We have gone without. We have done things, we never dreamed of doing to try and have a baby.

I would like to think that my happiness doesn't hinge upon having a child.

This brings me be back to my original statement. I think we could have coped better, if someone were to have said to us, "It's going to be OK, regardless"

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