Desperately seeking "normalcy"

Okay so maybe normalcy isn't even a word but I thought I'd use it just because I can. Whether or not normalcy is or isn't a word, however, has nothing to do with the real issue. The real issue is I don't want to do "this" anymore, this being the roller coaster ride of infertility. I have an appointment with my RE on the 22nd of March and I am so torn about whether to keep it or not that I'm literally making myself sick. The last 3 months have been hell for me, I've been sick, my son has been sick, my husband is never here, the medical bills are piling up and the depression is seemingly suffocating me.

Admittedly I want another child but I'm sitting here wondering at what cost to my body and sanity will that come. When I think about giving myself 3 injections a day, 4 doctors visits a week, paying for the IUI out of pocket and then having no guarantee that it will work my heart sinks. I'm sure you have all faced this at one point or another. When is enough, enough? When do you say I've gone as far as I can? I can't answer that question for all of you but I can tell you the things that have been running through my mind.

1) It may be time to reconsider when your quality of life is on a downward spiral- This is us right now. I'm depressed, putting on weight, not feeling like I have any energy and just plain wondering what I was thinking in trying to do this again. It's blatantly obvious that this is not going to happen on our own. I went off Birth Control Pills and have been bleeding for 3 months straight now.

2) It may be time to reconsider when your treatment is the only thing you think about - I am slowly getting here, obsession is the word for the day ladies and gentleman. Yes, I can honestly say I am becoming obsessed with another child and the treatments that will have to be done. Just try this exercise to see if you're there; for an entire 24 hours try not to think about infertility. If you can't do it closer examination needs to be done and a possible break might need to be taken.

3) It is definitely time to reconsider when your marriage is suffering - Thus here I stand, my husband and I are arguing like never before. My son is suffering immensely because of my desperate need to give him a sibling. Even through all of the horrific problems in conceiving and having Jonathen, Matt and I never fought like this. I'm so stressed out about how much intervention will be needed that I am seemingly forgetting the joys I have in my life; my son, my husband, my family, my music, my animals, and really most important to me my religion.

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