The importance of an outlet
© Shayla Swart
If you've been reading my articles you know I tell it to you straight, no sugar coating, no lies so following in that suit I'm going to be brutally honest. Infertility is stressful, so stressful that many a marriage is ruined in the process. Whether you have been together 1 year or 10 doesn't matter. The stress is real and, if not dealt with in a timely manner,can break down the walls of your relationship quicker than anything.
It took me a long time to realize that our treatments were just as hard on my husband as they were on me. I believed because I was the one with the "problem" I bore the brunt of the pain. Oh, how foolish we can be. My over-emotional extremely hormonal mind didn't register that every single thing I went through Matt went through right along side me. Every injection I gave myself hurt him, maybe not physically but emotionally. His want for this to be a bing, bang, boom process was just as great as mine. You see in the middle of infertility you get so wrapped up in you, that you forget that it's a couple going through treatment.
To combat the problems that Matt and I were having we began a ritual of sorts. Every week we would sit on the bed and lay it all out. We tried very hard not to attack one another but some of the time it is inevitable. If you do end up attacking each other, take a step back, a deep breath, and move on. For us communication became a savior. I could tell him everything I was feeling. It felt so good to get it all out. I could say things to him that no one else would understand. I remember in one of our weekly sessions tearfully telling him, "You know you could just go get another wife who could give you a baby because I can't." He of course in turn told me that wasn't an option but he understood my sadness. That simple validation meant more to me than you could imagine. Hearing those two words, I understand, at each of our weekly sessions helped me feel like we were truly on the same wavelength.
Now that we had an open line of communication it was also important for us to find something, anything that could be our personnel outlet for the stress. It should be noted that your outlet should always be positive. Banging your head against the wall 30 times every 4 days really accomplishes nothing but slow brain damage.
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