Time Outs Part II


© Jeri Carr

I warned my four year old daughter beforehand that if she disobeyed me again she was going to have a time out. I knew I was setting myself up for trouble and a potential battle of wills, but I was feeling angry with her. Soon after, she refused to help me pick up her toys, and I told her she needed to take a time out.

She refused, so I held her in my lap and told her I would let her down if she agreed to take her time out. She quickly became very upset. That was a normal reaction, and I had hopes that soon she would calm down and agree to take her time out. That was not to be the case.

I became impatient, and I sat her in her chair a couple times without her agreement that she would take the time out, and each time she quickly ran away. I chased her and grabbed her, and she laughed mischievously like it was a game for her. When she finally calmed down while sitting in my lap, she still refused to take a time out. This went on for about an hour!

Finally, my husband convinced her to take a time out. He reasoned with her and told her that they could play together after she took the time out if she did it soon, but he would have to go to bed in a short while, so she would miss the opportunity if she waited too long. After her time out she acted fine.

Even though this incident had a "happy ending," my husband and I decided that time outs aren't working for us. One of the problems is what do you do when your child refuses to sit in the time out chair? You can give choices... "You can sit here or there." Or you can tell him, "You can go to your room or sit in this chair." But what about when that doesn't work? You can hold your child in your lap until he agrees to take a time out, but you have to be willing for him to get very upset and violent towards you during this time -- so much so that you have to hold his arms tightly so he can't hit you -- but then he might try to hit you with his head or bite you. And what if it takes over an hour?

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Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: View all related messages

1.   May 19, 2001 9:00 PM
I think it depends on how you go about it. It should really only be used for children who can understand the reasoning behind it, because otherwise there will be one of two outcomes: the child will n ...

-- posted by Star85girl





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