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Benefits of the Family Bed

© Jeri Carr

After the birth of our first baby, her cries of protest at being laid down in her bassinet taught us very fast that she didn't like to sleep alone. My husband and I became zombies from lack of sleep -- one of us would stay up with our baby while the other one slept for a couple hours, and then we'd take turns and on it would go through the night (and she would cry when it was his turn because she wanted mommy and mommy's breasts). Within the first month my husband got sick, and he couldn't help for a couple weeks, so out of necessity I began sleeping with our baby. What a relief!

After a while I started feeling guilty about our sleeping arrangement. Friends and books warned me that I'd be sorry for sleeping with my baby. They painted the bad scenario of a baby who would "never" learn to sleep alone and would become too dependant on mommy and, conversely, if I taught her to sleep alone I'd be giving her a very special gift. As a result, I hardened my heart and let my baby cry alone in her crib. She did start sleeping in her crib for at least part of the night, but one of the sad things is, when she finally did, I slept terribly; I was always going in to check on her to make sure she was still breathing. So much for a good night's sleep!

When I had my next baby I knew better: I didn't expect him to want to sleep alone. I knew that babies crave and need to be close to their mommy. I needed to be with him, too. I've slept with him right from the start, and it is such a joy! I feel secure, and he feels secure, and our whole family sleeps amazingly well.

But am I doing something wrong? Should babies sleep alone in a crib or cradle? Actually, the use of cribs and having babies sleep in separate rooms is cultural and relatively new, and many people believe that babies are not meant to sleep alone. Some people feel that it can be dangerous for a new baby to sleep alone.

Wherever the baby and his parents sleep best is the right arrangement for them, and many parents have found that the best choice for them is the family bed, also known as co-sleeping. Parents all over the world sleep with their children -- even many parents in the USA! It's much more common than one might think, and it's a perfectly normal and loving way to parent your child.