To all those readers out there who celebrate, Merry Christmas. As for my Jewish readers, we now have 350 days to get ready to cram more latkes down our throats and burn more holes in our houses with menorahs. For now, Santa Claus is jumbling over his wish list he got from NHL fans, players and suits. Let's look at it, shall we?
Montreal Canadiens: The reanimation of Georges Vezina (or Ken Dryden coming out of retirement)
Felix Potvin: A trade
Cliff Fletcher: A clue (Remember his Leaf screwups in his last years, and now the most recent trade?)
Carolina Hurricanes: Their new arena ASAP
Toronto fans: Smelling salts
Don Cherry: A highlight video- The best of Dynamo Moscow
Missisauga Icedogs: A win (and a good slap)
Barrie, Guelph, Ottawa & Plymouth's OHL teams: A loss
Tampa Bay Lightning: A healthy goalie
Keith Tkachuk: A pacifier and a lawsuit
Pavel Bure All-Star voters: Live hockey games
Wayne Gretzky: Fighting lessons
Ron Francis: Some Points
John Cullen: A reason not to win the Masterton (we're getting desperate here!)
Rob Ray, Matt Johnson, Igor Ulanov, Jeff Kugel, Bryan Marchment, Gary Suter & Ulf Samuelsson (can you see where I'm going here?): A lump of coal (one for all 7 of them, let them sort it out)
Cam Neely: 10 minutes alone with Samuelsson while Ulf is tied to a pole
Mario Lemieux: 10 minutes alone with former Penguins owner Harold Baldwin, while he's tied to a pole.
Petr Nedved: A salt shaker with no bottom, a black cat that walks back and forth in front of someone and an easy-break mirror
The Maple Leafs GM Staff: New business cards
Theoren Fleury: His two front teeth
Doug Gilmour: It came this summer, but he should get his two front teeth to go with it
Team Canada: Gold at the World Juniors
Team Czech Republic: Silver at the World Juniors (they'd lose to Canada)
USA's Olympic Hockey Team Members: New chairs in their hotel rooms
Anyone playing against Dominik Hasek: A miracle
The NHLPA: Nothing will ever satisfy these guys, so nevermind.
Japan: Their own minor league (No more early season pro games that tire teams right out)
Alan Eagleson: A red carpet outside the jailhouse the next time he's convicted of something
Colorado Avalanche: An American team in their division
Montreal Fans: A big splash of cold water to prove that all teams are human
Ron MacLean: A sedative and an enema (To shut him up on Coaches Corner and just to see him squirm)
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