Wounding Wilma spent her childhood as an incest victim keeping many secrets. Each time Wilma was penetrated by an abuser in one form or another, a scar was produced deep down inside of her emotionally, much less physically. These emotional scars are stored inside of Wilma's mind and body. The wounds or scars need to be processed and closure needs to come to these scars. Like most cutters, Wilma lives a life containing a great deal of secrets. Secrets that started with the incest she could tell no one about. Now, at age 23, Wilma feels compelled on a daily basis to harm herself. She uses razor blades in the bedroom to scrap her ankles; she sits in her car and uses a knife that she carries in her purse to carve on her knees. Sometimes, at her desk at work, she uses a letter opener to stab herself in the stomach; and when nothing else seems available; Wilma uses paper clips to slice lines all over herself. These wounds, better described as small incisions or scraps, are not deep enough to kill her. However, suicide is not the issue here. The real issue is finding relief of obsessions and finding a channel for emotional tortures. But, "why does Wilma (or others for that matter) continue for long periods cutting themselves?
Just as Webster's dictionary describes cutting as "to hollow out," a cutter describes what they are doing as a form of hollowing out their emotional pains. Cutters attempt to diminish, dissolve, or carve a passage for their past to be tolerated. Even without knowing it, Wilma tries, by slicing into her ankles, to live with the fact that her uncle molested her and cut her youth away from her. Wounding Wilma (like me in the late 1980's) wanted with all her might to reduce her emotional pain and she found relief by inflicting physical pain on herself. See, sometimes the emotional basket gets too full. This basket needs a channel in which to empty its debris. This channel for Wilma and for many others seems solved for a moment or two anyway by the cutting.
"How could this be happening?" asked Wilma's mother of the therapist. Well, as soon as the skin receives a scrap or slice, the cutter's mind becomes full of other thoughts. They think about the physical pain that comes quickly and their concentration moves to that area instead. A cutter, after cutting on their own body, has to concentrate upon the blood, the bandage, or even how they can cover up the fact that they have performed the cutting act. Sometimes hours, months, and years have been on emotional scars. The cut provides a strange relief. This relief (not the actual cutting) is what is desired and needed so greatly by the depressed individual.
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1.
Sep 3, 2005 8:51 AM
im 44yr old and cut myself.there are no groups out there to help us.the only people are the ones that do it themselfs.self harmers are outcast to others.they dont understand why we do it.they think we ...
-- posted by shazred
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