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Circumstances of Choice

© Victoria Tallman Freudiger

This month there will be no statistics reported and no story of others to tell. Instead, now is a time of intermission from all of that. With all of our hearts, we pray that the articles that Dimple McInvale (1,) April Scheiner (5,) and I (the remainder,) have presented for the past couple of years have made a positive difference in your life. Thank you for the time that you took to write us to inform us that you appreciate our being here. At times, this has given us the will to continue as well.

Recently, out of a feeling of paranoia, which came about in yet another one of my seasonal depressions, I felt it was possible that my true purpose for being affiliated with Suite101 had ended. More than the usual amount of negative events had happened in a very short period. I was yet again listening to negatives instead of positives. It was as if my curtains were drawn and the time had come to go with the flow of an exit. Consequently, because of this negative frame of mind, I overreacted to some circumstances and almost bowed out with an arrogance that only comes from fear of acceptance. Through prayer and through open-mindedness, the reverse is now happening.

After taking the time to reflect, and because there is a woman here at Suite101 who does truly care about RoseMeade's, I remembered the people who wrote me during the past two years. These people have allowed us to know that we made a difference in their life. They have been living positive proof enough for us to make a 'Circumstances of Choice' decision to continue helping others. Additionally, it is 'in humbleness and in an apologetic state of mind,' that I stay on board in order to approach my honest purpose in the Wellness Area of Suite101.

Repeatedly in my life, I have been through seasonal depressions, which strike me at the beginning of August and usually do not end until Christmas is over. No matter what I do, no matter how much I plan, and no matter what others do for me, nothing seems to be able to stop the depression from coming back again. Therefore, with each onslaught, I have to make a decision to conquer the 'black time' and become determined not to remain in the black hole -- crawling on hands and knees. My determination to want a quality life has to become larger than my decision to feel sorry for my circumstances. Again, my decision has to be -- the desire to survive... to want to fight with all my might the dark forces that come at me no matter from which they come.

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