Message of Hope to Caring Loved Ones
© April Scheiner, Author and Researcher
Thank you for being patient with us. Everyone who writes us after visiting RoseMeade's Wellness Nook is in our prayers and we do care. It is our goal to respond to all visitors and to be able to help them with their specific inquiries.
After much thought and reflection, we felt it was an excellent opportunity to respond to you in a way that would be helpful to you and help others as well. For the past year, we have received more requests from people wanting to help their loved ones with the illness of being ill, than we have requests from people who are hypochondriacs. This led us to take our answer to you and make it available for everyone visiting the Wellness Nook.
One of the things that we noticed most when receiving concerned letters from the loved ones of people who are staying ill, is the caring tone in which they write. I could feel the love and concern in the tone of your letter, and years ago, I was able to hear the same concern in my father's tone when I was ill and needed help. The main problem was that I did not believe that I needed to solve my problem. Maybe your loved one feels the way that I did then. Similar to others, who are ill and receive benefits from staying ill, I did not want to see a psychiatrist for my problem. I was not emotionally bankrupt yet. Your loved one may not be either. Until they are, they may not see the benefit of seeking change.
Seeking outside help felt too private for me, so I avoided it. Most people do this. Taking medication felt frightening because I was unsure if the side effects would be worse for me than the illness was. The idea of in-house treatment in a hospital was introduced to me. However, at the time, this seemed too drastic for me. It was also something that I refused until my problems got out of hand. Then this became very necessary.
I do understand that you feel overwhelmed when you realize that you are dealing with someone who doesn't seem to want to help him/herself. In your email to us, you mentioned that you feel listening is important. You are correct in listening to your loved one talk about their problems because that often does help some people. Yet, it seems as if it has reached a point (or has for a while) where you feel that these discussions are heading nowhere. Consider too, as other people have pointed out to you, that your being a sounding board at this time is likely more harmful to you as an individual. It is very important that the person you think might be a hypochondriac be convinced that getting help is the best thing that he or she can do.
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