As she was being jerked around and led to their car, Karen cried. She begged John to quit hurting her and to believe her when she told him that the cigarettes belonged to one of the other women at the office. Inside the car, he bloodied her face until her white shirt became covered.
Another two years of marriage and with an escalation of abuse, Karen was beaten to the point of unconsciousness. Three broken bones were noticed during one of the hospital visits. Many conversations later, the day came when John threw her completely through their bedroom door, leaving an impression not only in the door of their bedroom, but also in the door of Karen's future. Her breaking point had arrived! Finally, she asked herself, "Why? Why do I stay? Why do I continue to believe that he loves me?"
Karen was able to leave John and their lifestyle. Nevertheless, it would take another twenty years for her to begin a real healing. After spending years believing she deserved to be abused, ill and unhappy, Karen did end up divorced from John. She did not, however, end up divorced from pain. Pain took on a new form; Hypochondria began to be the culprit instead of her husband. Illness took on many different forms in her life. Already accustomed in receiving attention from people feeling sorry for her, Karen began to get attention by being ill. Her family and friends would listen to her new stories... this time, stories about how sick she was instead of how abused she was, took on a form that even she did not realize. At work and with her friends, she had new scars to show. Some of these scars were from unnecessary surgeries or new bruises from falling down the stairs. Some of the scars were from self-abuse and some were imagined. Still... the focus was on how sad Karen's life was.
"Signs, didn't you see the signs?" Karen's therapists asked her in 1980 when she finally reached therapy in a treatment center for addiction to pain pills. "I kept thinking it was me and that I was the cause," Karen answered them.
Does this story feel or sound familiar? Are you now, or have you in the past, lived this type of life? If so, please get help. Begin to care more about yourself than you care about your abuser. Seek help, either for you or for the abuser; maybe even for your children.
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