D-Day... We arrived at Columbia at 8:30 am. I was prepared for the worst. I was very, very scared. I could hardly walk. Ruth came out and advised us that our appointment had been changed! It was now for 11:00am. I couldn't even speak. I just got up and walked out of the building. Inside I was livid. "How dare she delay me another second?" All she had do to was say, "Positive" and I could move on. We left and ate breakfast and returned. At this stage, I would say mentally, I was a zombie. I could hardly hear anything. I was petrified. We went in to the conference room and sat down. I couldn't speak. I didn't look anyone in the eye.
Ruth went over our itinerary for the day and what the results meant to us. When she said, "and Ray, you said if the results were negative.." I choked back the tears. I was trying to stay in control. Inside I was screaming, "Just say it!" Then it came.
She said, "Ray, You know what the numbers mean, so I'll just let you read the results." She gently laid the paper in front of me. I looked down trying very hard to concentrate. I saw my name. I saw normal. I looked again. Normal!
Then I read it. "Normal genotype at HD locus (16/17 CAG repeats)." I asked in disbelief, "It's negative?" Ruth responded, "You tell me." I started to speak but couldn't. I put my head on Tessa's shoulder and cried for a few minutes. The male intern there may have been just as happy as I was. I cannot explain the mixed emotions I felt at that moment. I really didn't hear much more of what Ruth had to say. I kept looking at and reading the whole report over and over. I chuckled, "Are you sure they didn't f*ck this up?' She said no. I was stunned. We said our thanks and drove home. As soon as I got home, I jumped on the Internet to the MGH chat room and told the news. I sent the info out to Hunt-Ids. I was still very stunned and now, just 4 days after, am still stunned. I was very surprised at the out-pouring of emotions that others shared towards me. I was most touched by GERRY, a Ph.D. who visits the chat room often. With all his troubles he was happy for me! It touches me in a way I cannot describe. Just typing those words brings me to tears. It is hard to believe the people you meet on the Internet and the genuine feelings we share with one another. I am eternally grateful for far too many people to mention who have shared some of their lives with me.
