As Tessa and I walked the steps to the Federal Express terminal, my knees were shaking. Tessa remarked about the "overtly" statement. She knew what it meant, also. I handed the samples to the Federal Express clerk and off it went. We drove home. I had to accept I had HD. I was told the results would come in 3 - 4 weeks. Good. I would have time to compose myself before we went home for Christmas. We had decided to tell everyone while home for the holidays that I had the genetic test and there was no denying it; I had HD.
Christmas came and went and no test results. I knew it. They were blowing me off because it was positive and they were afraid that with the usual holiday depressions, I would commit suicide. How dare they? I was furious. This was my life. Who knows what is best for another? I never for a minute, considered suicide. I'm a fighter. Just give me the news so I can plan and get on with my life! I can't express the agony of waiting! As far as I was concerned, she could e-mail or even fax the results. I was livid. Now, I would have to decide on whether to tell my family I was even testing. Christmas was going to be harder because of this, not easier!
We drove home for the holidays and suffered through without mention of HD or tests. I was hiding my symptoms well. Before we had gone home, I had finally got to see a Psychiatrist and he prescribed Luvox for me. The Luvox was horrible for me. The first day after I started I was getting a full foot wiggle, a full hand wiggle and the second day my head wobbled. I talked to Lynn in the MGH Chat room. I was very scared. The HD was advancing way faster than I thought it would. At this rate, I would be in a hospital before the year was over! She calmed me down. I later called the Psychiatrist and he prescribed Remeron which seems to have no side effects. When we arrived from our holiday visit, there was a message on the machine. I would get the results January 6, at 8:30 am. I called and confirmed the appointment. "Seven days to D-day." By this time, I was positive that the results would prove I was at onset. I had also started to think that maybe I would test negative. I would quickly push that back. It was going to be positive. I thought well, I could live if it was in the gray area. No. That was just compensating. Face it, you have Huntington's Disease. I successfully numbed myself to the whole process. After all, it was merely a formality at this point.
