She knew about HD and my at-risk status soon after we met. She really had no idea what she was in for. During the next few years after meeting Tessa, my oldest sister was declining from HD. We very rarely visited her; she made me uncomfortable and it was a very powerful mirror to look into. Tessa had a general idea of what HD was like. In all this time, I had not seen my other sister who was in a nursing home for 3 years when I met Tessa, in spite of the fact that I lived less than a mile from the home. Three years after Tessa and I met, we moved to Indianapolis, IN. I still had the twitches but was very good at my job. My aunt, who lived across town, was a caregiver for her husband and several of their children (all now deceased). My father always thought I should visit her, but I made excuses because I knew she would see the HD in me. I had a recently diagnosed cousin there who I never visited, also. It was about this time that I really started to worry. Over those 3 years, it seemed to me that I was getting moodier. I was constantly asking myself, "Would you normally be angry about this situation?" I noticed I was tired much easier and this worried me also.
We were in the process of moving to South Carolina when I felt something in the left side of my chest. I didn't think it was my heart but I did all of the tests anyway and nothing showed. I thought to myself, "It must be strain on the central nervous system-HD." Still, I had not mentioned the possibility to anyone. I was also still self-medicating with the alcohol. No one suspected anything was wrong. How long was I going to be able to hide this from Tessa? We were in South Carolina for 7 months when it happened. It started with what I thought was a virus. For 3 days, I was going through a typical virus. When I returned to work however, something was definitely wrong. I would get a feeling of uneasiness and be slightly dizzy. This had happened several times before but I was always able to shake it off. Now, I couldn't. My supervisors where gracious enough to let me go home. This happened several days in a row. I took a few more days off; I was really scared. I tried to return to work once again and this time it was worse. I was assigned to put together a wiring harness at a bench top. For some reason, I could not concentrate. I felt disabled. My fingers started tingling and the tools felt cold in my hands. I panicked and have not returned to work since.
