The Art of Flirting: Part 2
© Katherine McBride
There is a pattern followed in the way people flirt. First, there is eye contact. This is followed by an indication that the attention is wanted. Third is a conversation that may lead the couple toward close physical contact. The two people will then start to lean into each other's space. They may lean forward when talking, and let their personal 'space' overlap with the other person's. The woman may take a more relaxed position, while the man will sit up, move closer, and become more attentive and animated. As they become comfortable physcially they will ask personal questions. These open ended questions will encourage the other person to respond by giving intimate details about themselves. However, if either is nervous they may ask questions that challenge the other person. They are testing for a defensive, aggressive, or hostile reaction.
Next is the accidental touch. Both parties know this will happen, because they are moving closer, but when it does they often step back and assess the other's reaction. This is the stage when humour will enter the conversation. It is at this stage that a person will make the first mistake. They will start to follow the other person around, acting needy, or demanding, or they will say/do something that is insincere.
Flattery may be the norm among the rich, or those looking for a fun night out, but it is frowned on by the down to earth man. He will not flatter the heroine, nor will he want to here empty praise offered him, or anyone else. The problem at this point is not that one of the people are being rejected. It is that they are starting to act rejected when they didn't have anything solid to be rejected from. In simpler words, you can't be rejected from a non-existent relationship. If the couple make it past this stage than mirroring occurs. This is easy to do in the romance story. Both the hero and heroine may signal the waiter at the same time. They may both rise when another person approaches. It may be even something awkward. They both reach for a file spilling the contents on the floor.
This is where they discover what the other person really wants. A truly romantic encounter is growing and maturing slowly. The couple will be in no hurry to delve into a more vulnerable area. This is not the time to let the characters kiss. Do not make the mistake man writers do and write the obvious. This is the time to have the hero return the heroin's portfolio, only to find that she lives in a small apartment by the park. Now he must decide whether to let her know that he has seen the poor woman behind the corporate mask. Maybe, the heroine returns the hero's portfolio and learns that he isn't a cowboy, but a wealthy rancher.
