The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95. 19. Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. 16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." 15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. 14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing 13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee. 12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver. 11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail wagging. 10. Oh, but they WILL ... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb. 9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome 8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand... 7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. 6. SmellU-SmellMe is still in beta test. 5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question! 4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver. 3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg. 2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms. and the Number 1 Reason Dog's Don't Use Computers .... 1. TrO{gO DsA mM,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqs,.* * 1. Too Darn Hard To Type With Paws. ***************
Top 10 Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password
1.E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy." 2.Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard. 3.You find you've been subscribed to strangenewsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip. 4.Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of "CyberDog." 5.Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it. 6.You keep finding new software around your house, like CatinTax and WarCat II. 7.On ICQ you're known as the IronMouser. 8.The screensaver is a centrefold from PlayCat 9.There is a new keyboard button labelled "Kill dog" 10.There are little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post ***************
PC- Personal Cat Specifications
Standard input: 1. Bilateral frontal whisker array 2. Bilateral adjustable audio dishes (range 20-20,000Hz) 3. Stereoscopic scanning device, with night vision 4. Velcro(tm) flavor sampling device/energy collector 5. Twin front-mounted odor sampling devices
Standard output: 1. Internally mounted purrbox 2. Single speaker with separate growl mode 3. Rear-mounted, fully-jointed semaphore device
Processor: 1. Parallel neuron array with Random Access Memory
| Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: | View all related messages |
For a complete listing of article comments, questions, and other discussions related to Betty Sleep's Household Pets topic, please visit the Discussions page.