Hot Peppers and Tomatoes - July Tips.

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a

body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told

him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

Chileheads gotta fly too... Actual Airplane Maintenance Complaints

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto land very rough." Solution: "Auto land not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't." Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit." Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear." Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud." Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield." Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."

Go To Page: 1 2 3 4 5