When we sit properly on a horse, our weight is distributed equally and squarely on each seat bone. The most common mistake riders make is allowing their chest to cave in, and their back to round. In other words they slump in the saddle like a sack of potatoes. The result of this posture is that the person's tail bone is now resting on the horse's back and is very uncomfortable.
The other extreme of this incorrect posture can often be seen in the show ring. Sometimes a rider is trying so hard to sit up and look pretty that they over arch the lower part of their back. The result is that the pelvis is tipped forward, the pubic bone hits the saddle and the seat bones can not work as effectively to communicate with the horse.
Think of your horse carrying you in the same way as you hiking with a very heavy backpack. When the pack is properly loaded, properly fitted and properly placed on your back it is easy to carry. If it is not properly balanced on your back it is much heavier, uncomfortable and even painful. Such is the case with your horse carrying you on his back. We often think of the horse as a big, insensitive, and very strong animal. But if you look at the horse's anatomy, it is clear that he was never built to carry a rider on his back. The long expanse of backbone is already carrying the rib cage and most of the internal organs of the horse without any support. The backbone itself is also very close to the skin. That is why mountain lions will jump onto a horse's back to kill it. The spinal cord is not very well protected.
To get the idea of what your seat can do, many instructors have their students pair off and play the part of horse and rider. The person playing the horse gets down on all fours and the person playing the rider places their hands in the center of the "horse's" back. Feel the person apply steady pressure with their entire hand. Then apply with just the just the heel of the hand, as your seat would feel if you were riding very stiff. Then have the "rider" press the "horse" with their fingers, like your tail bone or pubic bone would be hitting. Then have the "rider" poke in different places like your seat would do if you were bouncing to the trot, posting out of rhythm, or allowing yourself to come out of the saddle and flop back down at the canter. Notice how the "horse" will drop his back down and raise his head up to relieve the pressure.
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