Slaughter Studios--Theatrical Butchery

Writing credits Dan Acre John Huckert

Nicolas Read .... Kevin Amy Shelton-White .... Madigan Tara Killian .... Portia Peter Stanovich .... Steve Anand Chulani .... Ollie Eva Frajko .... Trisha Matthew J. Roseman .... Gary Darren Reiher .... Chad Daniels Laura Otis .... Rebecca Jamie Akhavi .... Receptionist Cheryl Dent .... Girl in Orange Lorissa McComas .... Candace

R 90 min A brief editorial message before I begin this column.

Roger Corman: For the love of God and cinema, retire.

Now.

You were never that good to begin with and time has not improved your work. I find your work to be comparable to receiving a root canal from a topless dentist. Lots of jiggling, but even so, very unpleasant.

Thank you.

We begin this truly awful schlockfest with a montage of poorly produced black-and-white films followed by a poorly produced Quentin Tarantino lookalike describing the first horror movie he ever saw and how it made him want to be a filmmaker. We immediately segue into a poorly produced Dom DeLuise lookalike producing a poorly produced black-and-white gangster film in which one of the characters actually dies as our director, Roman Grocer, screams that "no one dies like that in a Roman Grocer film!"

Which makes it all the more ironic that he actually DID die.

This film was the last produced at Slaughter Studios, where our Tarantino lookalike hatches a plan--to produce his OWN film in the nine hours before Slaughter is demolished.

His magnum opus? "Naughty Sex Kittens Versus the Giant Preying Mantis." Which, ironically, is a fair description of Roger Corman's ENTIRE BODY OF WORK. Mostly naked women taking on some kind of monster or monsters. The monster is either a man in poor costume or a giant puppet.

The lone challenge to the production of this cultural phenomenon in the making is one security guard who makes his rounds five minutes before every hour. Meaning that the party needs to shoot this in fifty-five minute increments. And the party themselves is a pretty big hindrance. Everyone is at best an amateur, and at worst, have a number of emotional and mental problems.

"Naughty Sex Kittens" is populated by idiots, divas, mental cases, and obsessive personalities. Oh, and this one chick who's pathologically into the guy who died in the last film Slaughter Studios ever produced.

To distract us from the true awfulness of the film, the "sex kittens" get into costume--essentially, lingerie. Okay, Roger...you've bought yourself some time with every male reviewer on earth. The ladies, however, are sharpening their ballpoints and are ready to turn you into a pincushion. Better do SOMETHING...and quick.

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