Lost in the Welfare System
"I've finished all of my paperwork and I'm here for my appointment." I whispered into the microphone without looking at her.
Without looking at me she asked, "Name?"
"My name is Angela Eaton," I whispered "and I'm finished with my paperwork." I repeated beginning to become aggravated and uncomfortable.
"Take a number and a worker will call you shortly." She pointed to the place where the numbers were being distributed and I took a number and sat down.
The twins were sleeping in the stroller and I was thankful. I hoped they would sleep through this nightmare. I looked down at them lovingly. They were the last possessions I had left. Their father, the so-called love of my life and my high school sweetheart couldn't commit to us. He didn't want the twins and he didn't want me. I made a fateful decision that hot summers day and walked out of his life.
I had no idea how I would survive but I was through. I was through with the black eyes, the drunken nights, the ex wife, everything. It hurt to leave him because I had never been alone and I felt the twins deserved a father but enough was enough. I couldn't be hit one more time and my family had had it with the cries for help. The usual pattern was always the same. I would refuse to leave, crying helplessly in his arms begging for forgiveness, half the time not knowing what the hell I needed to be forgiven for. It was I with the busted ribs and black eyes but I knew that is what he wanted to hear.
Once the twins were born nothing changed or stopped. It didn't become different like I prayed for, if anything, if had become worse. I thought having them would change everything. I was half-right. It sure did change everything, but not the way I was expecting it to. I looked around the room and realized there was no where for me to run this time and I was stone cold sober. I felt everything, fear, hate, love and most of all poor. There were more poor people sitting in this room than I had ever been in contact with. I was the only white woman in the room. This was a nightmare and I really wanted to
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