Before They Were the Inner Child
In today's society of psychotherapy and self-help, many of us are familiar with the term "inner child." As we know, before we came to know that inner child, we were that child. I want you to just sit back for a moment, close your eyes, and think of yourself as a little child. What are you doing? Do you see yourself playing, laughing, joyful, sad, angry, hurt? Now picture yourself in a normal situation with your parents. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? Here is a typical script from one of my hypnosis sessions:
Cheek: Jane, what do you see?
Jane: I am standing in the kitchen while my mother is cooking dinner.
Cheek: What are you doing in the kitchen?
Jane: I am cutting out paper dolls, and I have glue and glitter all over the kitchen table... OH, NO!
Cheek: What is happening, Jane?
Jane: She's going to kill me! I just spilled the glitter all over the floor, and she had already told me to keep the lid on the bottle. (Jane is obviously very shaken.)
Cheek: What does your mother do now?
Jane: She throws the spoon into the sink and comes over and smacks me on the hand. She calls me stupid and yells that she told me to keep the lid on the glitter bottle. I hate when I disappoint her by being stupid. I'm always doing stupid things. Sometimes I hate myself.
In this particular script, Jane believes the words that her mother used towards her. Her mother called her stupid, thus Jane believes that she is. There are many things that I've heard clients say their parents said to them that they still remember and that caused them to feel negatively about themselves. Simple things that we say and do affect others around us, especially our children whose only goal in life is to make us proud of them.
Now, for just a moment, I want you to imagine that you are sitting in your parent's lap in a large, comfortable rocking chair. Imagine all the things you would have loved to hear your mother or father say to you. You are special... I love you... You are so smart... I am very proud of you... You make me happy... You are the most important thing in the world to me... You are beautiful... You're so funny... You can accomplish anything you set mind on. Now imagine yourself doing your favorite things with your parents, the things they never had time to stop and do, the things that you wanted them to share with you. How are you feeling right now?
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