Up Jumps the Boogie

Having seen the video and heard the song on (what's left of) MTV Raps this week, I can't but resist taking this week's hip-hop column and expanding upon what this video says to me about a lot of things, including hip-hop in general.

The first thing I noticed was that Magoo looks a little and sounds a lot like Q-Tip. Unfortunately, when I made this comment to my friend Ike who was watching at the time, he said, "Who is Q-Tip?" I think that in itself is a pretty sad commentary on hip-hop in 1997 (no offense to Ike of course). I've since loaned him my copy of "People's Instinctive Travels" in the hopes he will get turned on to the REAL Q-Tip and not the pale imitation.

The second thing I noticed was that Missy Elliott looks UGLY. I mean, it's not as though we haven't loved ugly MC's in the past (BizMarkie, Craig Mack, Notorious B.I.G.) but at least they had some SKILLS! Missy on the other hand has one trademark, a very overplayed out laugh, and no lyrical credentials whatsoever. I mean, what kind of rhyme is "5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, I'm sittin on Hills like Lauryn"? It's a lame attempt to reference the Fugees at best, and pure nonsense at the worst. That example though is from The Rain, and she commits far worse offense in Up Jumps the Boogie.

"I'm in the Marriott, the place to get dot/After I smoke pot, he sticks me like shots/Funky like farts, connect tongues like dots/Lick his lollipop, this kid named Scott/Me my hot self, my self be so hot/Touch my hot spot, I scream till I can't stop"

If hearing her flow this isn't enough to make you scream, seeing Timberland standing behind a cardboard cut out of a fat woman will. What lamebrain idea was that? Is this the epitome of cool in a 1997 hip-hop video? I've seen some lame ideas in rap videos before but the WHOLE concept for Up Jumps the Boogie takes the cake, the pie, and the ice cream with the fudge ripple. It's just AWFUL!

Now can somebody, ANYBODY, please explain to me who is charting this song, and why? Is the radio programmer philosophy that the stupider the lyrics are, the better the song is? The more overplayed on MTV the video, the more popular the song is? The more times Missy raps about her G spot, the more popular it will be? Even if the beats were good I could understand but they're not. Even Puff Daddy's worst jack move still sounds better than this.

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