The movie in this case is Skyscraper, which from the box appears to be a guy film of nearly perfect pedigree. The box features a big building and a buxom woman holding a gun, which promises both sex and violence. Unfortunately, the woman in question is Anna Nicole Smith, who has precisely two assets, both of which are monstrously pendulous to the point of being disturbing. There is a cue-card-just-off-camera feel to everything she says that goes beyond the normal camp of a sex and violence guy film, and it actually has to be seen to be believed.
But no matter. The plot, such as it is, is that Anna is a helicopter pilot. Her husband is a cop. Somehow, these two lifestyles allow them to afford a massively opulent penthouse apartment. But again, no matter. What follows is a few scenes of Anna flying her helicopter followed by gratuitous nudity of Anna in the shower.
After a few moments, there's some sort of exchange of high-tech stuff by some guys wearing sunglasses, most of whom look about as menacing as the teddy bear that advertises Snuggle fabric softener wearing a leather jacket. Gunplay ensues. Explosions ensue.
Look, there's not a lot of plot here. This movie basically turns into Die Hard with Anna Nicole Smith. Foreign guys take over an office building, Anna gets sucked into the plot and starts running around, and eventually, all the bad guys die. That's really all there is to it. It's completely worthless as a movie, and it's not even entertaining as a parody of Die Hard. There's nothing to recommend this movie, not even the baldly gratuitous shots of Anna's massive front swaying around three or four times during the course of the running time, which feels twice as long as it really is. All of the stupid movie devices from bad movies are here--the attempt at class by having a bad guy be "intelligent" by quoting Shakespeare (which he sometimes gets wrong); Anna getting attacked many times but never breaking a nail or even smearing her lipstick; virtually every person getting shot also getting thrown through high windows. There's nothing original, nothing fun, and nothing worth sitting through.
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